weekly intention: laugh at yourself
I watched this Tedx talk yesterday that reminded me of myself. A highly functioning anxious person meaning someone who functions in everyday society but is constantly riddled with anxious thoughts or fears or worries. While I don't think it's possible to put people into specific categories especially when it comes to anxiety, I do think it's important not to be shy about it.
As a part of last night's yoga training lecture we were asked to choose ONE song that we would play to let our "authentic self" run free. Being the over thinker that I am, I came up with about 10 possible songs and asked myself too many questions along the way. Should I coordinate a routine to this song? Can I find the beat easily? What exercise will I choose to correspond with the song? How will people react? Will I offend anyone? And the list goes on and on. Sometimes I make things a little too hard on myself. An exercise that is supposed to be FUN and easy and carefree turned into a big whopping ball of anxiety.
I had narrowed it down to two choices by the time the class began. I had gone over both options with a fellow trainer and while she encouraged me to stick with what was true to me I wavered off the path to choose the more humorous option. The one I hoped people would get a kick out of and laugh at.
I was the last one up out of 5 people and everyone had done such a great job in my opinion. There were some awkward moments but it turned out to be super fun. Hey, when I'm not the CENTER of attention, I am as carefree as a bird. I'll dance my little heart out and wave my hands in the air like I just don't care but when ALL EYES ARE ON ME....crap.
I cued up "Pony by Ginuwine" on my phone and that's when I lost all of my nerve. I thought it would be super funny to cue everyone into hip lifts playing upon the totally inappropriate nature of the song. It didn't go as well as it had in my ends seconds before I made the decision. I told some nonsensical stort about me listening to this inappropriate song as a pubescent teen. (Ugh). I started singing some parts of the song just to fill the silence. That was even weirder. Those 4 minutes as 12 seconds felt like the longest minutes of my life. I was consumed by embarrassment and anxiety. Overly judgmental of my performance. Fearful of rejection.
When it was over I confessed to the class how I truly felt. I was overly critical of myself and not having ANY fun. Though this exercise to find my authentic self was not life threatening, I certainly felt as if I had just made a huge mistake. Instead I wish I had done myself a favor and allowed myself to just laugh and shake it off.
In this crazy mixed up world we are living in these days, it is so important that we allow ourselves to be playful, fun, and forgiving of OURSELVES. This week I encourage you to simply live your life as your true self and if some embarrassing moment happens to wander your way, take it in with loving arms, look down at it, and just laugh.